Angry .. alot
So I have been getting angry ALOT the past few months. At first I just thought it was the waiting from my 3 month checkup to my 6 month checkup had just put me on edge.
Now that I have the all clear from my 6 month checkup I have a RAGE episode almost once a day.
It is so unlike me (at least my wife tells me so) to be this way so we went and spoke with a Social Worker because I had no idea what was making me this upset.
I was very surprised that after about 15 minutes with the Social Worker I just started blurting things out .. I was very surprised.
I think the one thing that makes me upset is people think that because I am in remission .. it’s over … I am better .. stop being a baby and move on.
I am upset because I lost a year of my life .. yes I realize it is better to have a lost a year than all of it, but I seriously don’t remember much of this past year.
I am upset because I don’t think I will be able to have children and I worry what that fact will do to my wife (even though she says it is alright now).
I am upset that people do not realize what they have and continue to be petty and foolish with their time.
I am upset because I have had a couple friends pass due to cancer recently. How come I made it and they did not? Where’s the logic in that?
I know in time I will come to terms with all this .. I just do not know how to deal with it right now.
I have joined the local Gilda’s Club of Rochester. I am hoping that if I listen to other cancer survivors and see that some of them had to deal with the same stuff that I am that I will come to terms with it all.
So other than the above I must say life if going pretty well. I have never been in better shape in my life and if cancer has shown me anything it’s that I am a very strong person. Not the weakling that people thought I was.
