So tomorrow I have another “checkup”. I have had alot of anxiety the past couple of weeks. This always happens when a “checkup” gets near. Of course, because of the anxiety little aches and pains start to pop up. This gets you thinking … “Is it back?

I have been irritable, depressed, and have just had a general sense of malaise. I catch myself constantly prodding my neck, underarms and shoulders area wondering, “Is that a lump? Is it really sore there or I am just thinking too much?” It’s exhausting.

I wonder if some of it is just my body displaying its displeasure at the fact that I have stopped biking. I have every intention of biking indoors this year, but have yet to set up the bike. Because of this I have packed on a whopping TEN POUNDS. This will more than likely make my Oncologist happy because I have not been putting on weight like he was hoping.

I remain fairly positive that my cancer is gone this time and I don’t think there is anything cancer can throw at me that I cannot beat into submission, but no matter how confident I am these “checkups” seem to rattle me to my very core.