Journal

One of our local news stations ( 10 NBC / WHEC TV-10 ) was doing a piece on blogging and illness. I was fortunate enough to be interviewed for the segment. I thought I would share the video with you.

This is just a quick note until I have time to write more about the experience.

Thanks!
Shan

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So I have not updated my journal in quite some time (52 days to be exact).

My health just seems to be getting better and better as my gut seems to be getting bigger and bigger. It seems I have put on some 22 pounds since our trip to Texas. I know what will fix this, but I just can’t seem to make myself ride my bike in the basement. It just seems silly to sit there and pedal nowhere.

Life was starting to wind down for Carrie and I. It was almost starting to seem normal and then something amazing happened …

This is so huge I just do not know where to start … or how much of it I am allowed to write about online so I will give the short version.

I have known for quite some time (10 years) that I had 6 older siblings. Their names are John, Mark, David, Steve, Paul, and Cyndi. My Mom has not seen her kids for over 40 years. She had to give them all up for adoption. The amazing thing is that these children were all adopted by the SAME family. Not all at once, but one by one this family tracked the children down and adopted them. So they were able to grow up together. (Bear with me because this is the VERY simple version)

Now I had promised my Mom that someday I would find her children for her. I have been searching off and on over the years and just never turned anything up. I could not afford to hire an investigator and neither could my parents. So I would give up and then retry again in another year or so. Well this month (February) I found out the name of the man my Mom married when she came to the US. I had never had that bit of information. So the following day I entered that name into Google and I got one hit. My brother Paul had put an information page up on Adoption.com. It had all the information I had known RIGHT THERE!

At this point I could not believe my eyes. I printed that page out and did the search again. Google returned hundreds of hits this time, but Paul’s page was not there. I ran to the printer and looked over what I had printed out. I went back to Adoption.com and found Paul’s page again. This time I signed up on Adoption.com’s forums and made a post in their discussion forums (READ POST).

I kept the post simple, but wasn’t really sure anyone would see it. Paul made his information page in 2000 so it was already 6 years old. Luckily an investigator on the forums (Mackie) saw my post and was intrigued by it. This person did a little digging and was able to find my sister’s married name. Don’t ask me how they found that out because I still don’t know. This person emailed me and said they had sent an email to Cyndi, but did not get an answer back. The investigator said since her name & address is publically listed in the phone book that they could legally give the phone number to me. I hesitated all of about 60 seconds that Saturday morning and called the number …

Now in my excitement I did not realize there was a two hour time difference between where I live and where Cyndi lives. It was 9:30am my time which meant it was 7:30am their time. Luckily, my sister’s family are early risers!

I was not sure how they would react to me so I blocked my number. My Mom has had a VERY hard time emotionally and physically these last 40 years because of all the guilt and pain she has carried. I did not want my siblings to know where I was at first. I am very over protective of my Mom. I wanted to make sure that these were indeed them at that they were not going to hurt my Mom. It seems kind of silly to think that, but you have to understand … I am VERY OVER PROECTIVE of my Mom.

So .. where was I .. Oh yeah .. so the phone is ringing and I am trying to think of what I am going to say. A man answers the phone and I almost hung up, but I kept it together and asked if Cyndi was there. He sounded a little cautious on the phone .. probably because I was a new voice he had never heard before … he said she was home, but just heading out the door .. then he asked “May I ask who is calling?” I am not exactly sure what I said, but I think it went something like this.

Me: “Is Cyndi home?”
Monte: “She is on her way out. May I ask who is calling?”
Me: “Umm .. Uhh .. My name is Shannon. I can’t give you my last name right now, but I believe that Cyndi and I have the same birth mother..”
Monte: “Really?”

Now from the tone in his voice I get the feeling he thinks I am joking or something. So he asks me a couple of questions. I can’t even remember what those were, but then he said,”Please don’t hang up .. I think Cyndi is going to want to talk to you …”

I was terrified. I almost hung up. I can only imagine what Cyndi was feeling like as her husband handed her the phone. She got on the phone and she even had more questions for me. It was so heart wrenching. Her and her five brothers thought Mom wasn’t alive anymore. I told her Mom is alive and well as were me and my younger brother. Cyndi was like wait a minute … Did Mom raise YOU and a younger brother?!? I nervously said yes and she said my Mom’s alive and I have TWO YOUNGER brothers?!?

We talked some more and I just felt an instant connection with her. I cannot explain the bond that is there. I explained to her that Mom did not know I had found them yet and that I would like to talk to as many as I could before I told Mom. I was worried about how my Mom would take this news. I was worried the news would kill her. Looking back that seems silly, but as I said I am very protective of my Mom.

So that day was Saturday February 11, 2006. A day I will never forget. I was able to talk to a few of my brothers in the next couple days and I explained to them our situation and why I was a little cautious. They said they understood which made me relax a whole lot. I thought this process was going to take months or weeks, but I ended up telling my Mom just five days later. My Dad was just as excited as my Mom. We have not seen my Mom this happy in a long, long time.

Mom has since been able to talk to five of the six children and it has been going very well. I know this is just the beginning of a wonderful journey. I know there will be ups and downs along the way, but what good is life if it is boring and predictable. There is a lot of healing that needs to happen in my family. We had grown apart over the years. I am hoping that this event brings us all closer together. Only time will tell, but I am looking forward to story that unfolds …

(Please forgive me .. this is a pretty watered down version of the events that have transpired. I think I could write a book on just this alone. As I have time to take all this in I will write more about it. I am still trying to process it all. I hope to have some photos of them up soon. I just need to get their permission first)

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First of all I wanted to wish everyone a HAPPY NEW YEAR!

It just seems surreal. Last year we were fighting for our life wondering if we would get to this point. Now, we’re looking back wondering how we got through it all. It’s hard to believe that a whole year has gone by and we are still cancer free.

We’ve done alot this year to help bring awareness to the cancer fight … from riding locally in the annual Ride For Your Life event, traveling to Texas to participate in the Lance Armstrong Foundation’s Ride for the Roses event, to lending our story to the Wilmot Cancer Center for the annual Breakfast Buzz Christmas Spectacular.

What will 2006 bring? Hopefully more cycling and more chances to get the word out about how important the fight against cancer is. Last year at this time we committed to the LAF and the Ride for the Roses. This year we are committing to the Wilmot Cancer Center. I don’t think enough people realize the resource we have for fighting cancer right in our own backyard.

Lastly, I want to thank my wife Carrie for being with me these last three years. I cannot express to all of you how important it was for my well being and survival to have her love and support through all this. I believe that had I not had it all the chemo and radiation in the world would not have helped me. She was the reason I fought and is the reason I am here today. She is the reason I LiveSTRONG.

I can only imagine what life is like for the caretakers that are in our situation now. Cancer, Chemo, and Radiation are hard, but to have to sit there and watch your loved one go through it and still manage to keep your lives together has got to be just as harsh (if not worse). My advice? Talk. Tell each other how you feel. Listen to one another. Realize that this is just as hard on them as it is you. You are not alone in this fight. Take advantage of whatever resources your treatment center can offer you (counseling, volunteers, etc).

We wish all of you a safe and Happy New Year.

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